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ME:...For a good cause, huh? Look, if you had asked me to escort you to the nearest washeteria where you could get a much needed wash and dry, then THAT would be considered a 'Good Cause'..If you had requested that I take you to Sac's Fifth Avenue and purchase a new wardrobe, then take you to my job and put in a good word to get you hired on as a mail stocker so you could work your way up the ranks where maybe someday you might become vice-president in charge of production, THIS would be 'for a good cause'. but NO! You simply asked for some cash... How do I know what your intentions are by requesting this quarter? For instance, if I gave you my quarter, and I speculate this in it's widest spectrum, you might combine it with the two other coins that you rub together, go out and purchase some MD 20/20 or thunderbird and as a result get so loaded that you spit up blood and drown in your own vomit; and who's quarter would it have been that caused your death from that awful addiction of yours, hum?..Who? ME, OF COURSE! - So By rejecting your request, I could be saving what is already a miserable life...
...And they say POLITICIANS are full of hot air
BUM: All I can say is yer a long winded asshole, that's fer sure...
ME: Maybe, but if it saves a life I say, coining a phrase, "Go FER it!"
BUM: So yer not gonna give me one lousy quarter?
ME: You mean you STILL don't get it?..Read my lips, NO!..NO!! And furthermore...NO!!!
BUM: ...But it's ONLY a quarter, mister.
ME: Tell you what, take this form..Fill it out in triplicate and the quarter is yours.
BUM: Man, it sure do have a lotta scribblin' on it. What is it?
ME: It's a tax form.. In particular, a deduction for charitable contributions.. Can't you read?
BUM: If I could read I wouldn't have to ask you what the scribblin' was, now would I?
ME: Here!.. Sign it and the coin is yours.
BUM: Man, you sure do come prepared don't you?
ME: I ALWAYS keep charity donation forms with me... Just in case I'm confronted by panhandlers...Hey! This is an 'X'.. Can't you do better than that?
BUM: What, like sign my name?
ME: That would simplify the matter, yes.
BUM: Wanna know a secret?
ME : Will it cost me extra?
BUM: This one's on the house.
ME: Then shoot...
BUM: If I could sign my name do you think I'd put a 'X' down!?
ME: Well this will NEVER work.. The IRS DOES NOT recognize anonymous X's, I'll need a name.
bum: How 'bout yer's?
ME: Not MINE! I'm the doner.
BUM: Then how 'bout yer mama's?
ME: It would be simplier just to use your name
BUM: I can't remember MY name.
ME: THIS! I don't believe.
BUM: It's true.
ME: EVERYONE knows they're own NAME!
BUM: I'm an exception.
ME: Well, I'm not believing it.
BUM: If I prove it, will you give me the quarter?
ME: Give it all you got...
BUM: Okay, here goes... I been a bum for fourty years.
ME: Sounds like a personal problem to me...
BUM: ... I got no friends, no family.. No one!
ME: ... So?
BUM: With NO ONE to call my name, how could I remember it?
ME: It's imbreded...
BUM: Oh yeah?.. I can't read, so if somebody writes my name I don't recognize it.
ME: Hum...
BUM: I can't write, so I don't know what my name looks like.
ME: ...You're breaking my heart.
BUM: Fourty years ago I spoke my name over and over again but nobody came so I figgure there's nobody with THAT name and I stopped sayin'it and BINGO! I soon forgot my name.
ME: ... Are you sure you're not a lawyer?
BUM: Why? Do I look like one?
ME: They come in various disguises, I don't know. It's just that you want a quarter.. In a sense that could be considered a retainer of sorts causing.....
BUM: ...You gonna blow some more wind again...?
ME: ..FORGET IT BUSTER!! YOU just blew THAT quarter ...Go peddle your bad luck story on somebody who gives a shit!
BUM: Does this mean you'd rather not give me a quarter...?
ME: In a word?..Yes, this means I'd rather not give you MY quarter...
Where'd everybody go...?
...I watched as the wimp slowly made an about face and left, dragging his easily defeated tail between his legs. As he ambled off I felt disgust and wanted to yell out 'Hey bum! Being a panhandler is no different then any other business..Persistance separates the men from the wimps!" Had I been him, I wouldn't have given up until the two-bits was making noise in MY pocket. I was a bit confused of the shit eating grin he made on that other-wise stone puss of his but then I concluded that he was dire to take a dunk after the whelping I just gave him.How DARE he interrupt my bird watching! Now it was past noon, all the babes were back at the office doing their thing and here I was on a now vacant and lonely windy street. Life IS a bitch. So I turn around and cruise back toward my 'K' car while day-dreaming about a new and windy tomorrow and the vision of high skirts I might chance to see. Who's that near my car,Why it's the stinking panhandler. why is he deserting his buggy filled with aluminum cans? Ah! another prospect, and this one is in a stretch limo.. If he thought I was tuff wait till he gets a taste of UPPER management, har! har!.. Wait! the valet just popped out and opened the rear door...FOR HIM? Well whatta you know, it's driving off - Hey, Look! the bum just tossed something out the window, looks like a business card... What's it say here? Uh-Oh..It reads: King for a day! Wealth for good deeds! And here's MY name on top but it's scratched out and...And next to my name is 'twenty-five cents = ONE MILLION DOLLARS!?.
ME: HEY BUM! COME BACK! I GOT YOU'RE QUARTER!!!... Would you quit grinning?
... So as the limo slowly drives off, the rank old bum looks at me while I'm yelling and ranting. He sneers, raises his hand up into a fist, then gives me a thumbs down..."DAMMIT!...And I thought this was gonna be my LUCKY DAY!"....
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...Just goes to show...If a panhandler stops you on the street to ask for a hand out, it would be in your interest to at least be kind to the poor unfortunate soul..After all, he could be carrying a business card with YOUR name at the top...
...Anothernonymous
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